Douchebags in Flip-Flops

At least shave your toe knuckles you degenerate.

When did wearing flip-flops to a bar or night club become socially acceptable? Flip-flops use to be worn in public showers to prevent jock itch, but now they are popping up in bars, clubs, and restaurants as evening wear. Flip-flops have replaced popped collars as the calling card of today's douche bag.

Flip-flops were brought to popularity by hippies in the 1970's. Hippies also popularized many other cultural phenoms such as B.O. and venereal disease, so clearly they are trend setters. Somehow the appeal of wearing a shoe that exposes the dirtiest appendix of one's body has not only resurfaced but somehow become fashionable.

Is there anything dirtier than a person's foot? Even your ass gets wiped a couple of times a day. Aren't shoes what separate us from animals? When you are wearing flip-flops at a night club you might as well take a Hershey squirt in your hand and hurl it at passers-by because you are pretty much a primate. Even homeless people wear shoes and they shit on the sidewalk.

Guys mainly wear flip-flops when they go out because someone did it in 2006 and got laid. Therefore, by male reasoning, anyone can wear flip-flops to the club and get laid too. If there was a guy at a club with a dildo strapped to his forehead, but surrounded by hot chicks, chances are you'd see three or four dildo clad men the following week. It's a sickness.

Women could easily end the causal relationship between flip-flops and sport sex by raising their standards, but as long as bars still sell Jager it is unlikely that will ever happen.

The flip-flop epidemic will unlikely be resolved by me pointing out what a ridiculous and asinine idea it is, but maybe we can at least establish some guidelines:

• If your toe nails are the color of French's mustard they need to be covered.
• If there's enough residue under your toe nails to make homemade blue cheese dressing you may want to consider a closed toe shoe.
• If your toes have more hair than your balls, it's time to cover them up.

As long as there are frat boys, there will be stupid fads. Flip-flops in bars and night clubs is yet another sign that the "Apocalypse of Douche" is upon us.

-The Mormon